People in love make me want to vomit
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We just shotgunned beers for America
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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