My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
jump out the window naked night went bad
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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