There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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