So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your penis caused this!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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