Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Drunk is not a location!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
