she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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