I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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