I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize