like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
