these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
