you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
