Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you will always have a special place in my vag
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
