like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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