I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
