If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
