remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
