After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
