Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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