Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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