My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
