I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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