My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
