If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
