Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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