I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
