Don't you send me to vm
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
