i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
