I wish my penis had an off switch
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
