I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
