My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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