She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
