Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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