birth control should be required to get into college
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
