It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
someone owes me an orgasm
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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