i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
