I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i need some magic done to my vagina
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
