Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
