He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
