I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
and you fell through a lawn chair
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
