I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
