my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
