i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
