I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
