I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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