My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
