just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
