so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
