he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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