i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
