you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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