Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
