the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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