If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
