No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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