i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
