I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We don't watch enough power rangers
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
