Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
