I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
