Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Randomize
