That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
