Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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