Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
