I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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