textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
