my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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