I think scott just propositioned me for sex
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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