..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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