If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
