I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
