If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
