i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
