so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
