You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
