Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
