Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
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When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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