i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
