I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
