can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
