So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
