I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
